End of an era. This one is for you Grandpa Roy.

In our life, their are things that we often don't think about. Their are also many things we take for granted. Then, when it feels like life throws you into a brick wall, you find yourself constantly keeping yourself busy to not come to that reality. Sadly, I have fallen into this category and it isn't for a bad reason. It honestly is a good thing. Today for my grandpa Roy Otto Marlia, it is the end of an era. He is now Home with Our Heavenly Father and also be reunited with his lovely wife Betty Ann, who past away almost 9 years ago.

Over the past year my grandpa hasn't been doing so well. That comes with old age. He just turned 90 back in May and ever since then has just been on the decline. A couple weeks ago, it was determined that he had cancer. A reality most of us didn't want to face. Of all of the cancer, metastasis was determined. Not a cancer I am too familiar with, I just know that it spreads from organ to organ like it has in Roy.

It was almost 9 years when I was heading into my sophomore year of high school that my grandma Betty Ann got diagnosed with liver cancer. I still remember the family getting that phone bright and early in the morning. Visiting her at the hospital everything was fine. Little did we know that 10 days later she would pass on to be with our Lord. Since that time I haven't had anything too dramatic in my life happen. It broke my heart to see my grandma suffer but then and even today, it gives me great joy to know that she is in heaven.

One of my biggest regrets and one that I have learned to deal with is how I said goodbye to my grandma Betty Ann when she did pass away. It never really was a goodbye. Before passing she had a stroke that paralyzed half her body for the most part. Me being younger, it hurt me to even look at her because I could see she was in pain. My fondest memory of her during those 10 days has to go back to when she first went to the hospital, when she wasn't in pain.

Now 9 year later nearly, Roy is finally Home. Currently I reside in Portland and it has been my prayer to have gotten down to see him before he passes. That was the plan this weekend at least. Given my father's wishes, he has told me to not come down. Still having mixed emotions on that decision  Last week I at least got to FaceTime him. He definitely was weak but swears he wasn't in any pain. Much changed since then. Him being so weak, he wasn't able to say much, but sometimes a smile says it all. I think over the last 9 years since having to deal with a serious death, I have at least grown in that area. It may have been hard to see, but that smile is something that will stay with me forever. Also along with technology, I have a good video of him when he was healthy. Something I will cherish for a while.

Not many people know this about me, but if my grandma Betty Ann never passed away like she did, my faith in Christ would almost be none existent. I "believed" in God never had a "relationship". When she passed away, on her last days she couldn't even talk. My grandpa Roy was by her side when she did go. Moments before passing she rose up out of bed (something she shouldn't be able to do), and was wide awake. According to my grandpa, and I still get chills to this day, 2 angels and Jesus came down to get her and take her Home. This vision really got me to check myself and my life and ever since then life couldn't be better! I thank God for that revelation through Betty Ann that played a big part in saving my soul.

I am also very blessed to have grown up only 3 houses down from my grandparents. Not many kids have that privilege, but I did. Though for 6 months out of the year they would head down to Baja and do missionary work, the other 6 months were spent down the road from us. So many good memories for me as a kid. Not many people are that lucky. So I am thankful for that. I think that is what makes this so hard. Really mixed with emotions like a lot of people in my family are. We have prepared for this day it seems like.

I am just so thankful to have had grandparents who played such a great role in raising my dad. He surely learned from some of the best in the business. My dad has always put others first being a school teacher, now retired. Roy and Betty Ann always did the same. Heck, they even let their children with their families live in the house they built, while they lived in a motorhome outside the house. Such a crazy story but the humility my grandparents had makes me proud to be their grandson.

Now Roy is with Jesus along with Betty Ann. To make it even crazier, it would be Betty Ann's birthday. I am positive she what waiting for this day to come and take him Home. He will no longer be in pain, and he will be in a much better place for sure. He can finally use that coffin he hand built to save money that has been collecting dust in my parents attic. He always joked with my mom asking if she was keeping it dusted off. Well, it is dusted off now. I couldn't be more jealous of my grandpa, but know heaven will be amazing! Just how I picture it I hope.

My grandpa will never see this post. Some of you may read this, some of you will not. Everyone deals with death differently. I rarely blog. This is just one way of me honoring my grandpa Roy. A man with integrity, honor, great character, humility and much much more. But most importantly, he loved Jesus. Now he can be with Him finally along with Betty Ann, my lovely grandma. Love you grandpa Roy, you will always be missed. Thanks everyone for reading. God bless.

Top 10 memories for 2013

So this list is pretty much coming off the top of my head and what I can remember from this year. There is no doubt though that this year was one of my best and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me the coming years. Without further ado, here is my list.

10) Blazers-Thunder game on December 4th

I have part-time season tickets. So far this is the best game I have been to given the Blazers current record. Lamarcus Aldridge had 38 points and 13 rebounds! He was on fire. Really blessed to have witnessed this game against such a good team

9) Blazers-Heat game on January 10th

This game we actually won, not to compare to the heartbreak last Saturday. The difference in this game, my favorite Blazer hit back to back 3's to give us the first lead of the entire game, plus Lebron James played. What is not to like about that!

8) My sisters high school graduation in June

This moment meant a lot to me. While in college these were the years I missed out on with my sister. She during those years blossomed into a beautiful young lady and it was such a good moment for the family. It also was the last kid out of the house for my parents! Now she is at OSU and I am so happy to only be 1.5 hours away from her instead of 3.5 hours.

7) Last college retreat to Lake Shasta in May

This would be the last retreat with the beloved college ministry that did so much for me during my 5 years at OSU. I made so many good friends during those years and it is something I will never forget. This year by far had the most impact on me because I have never seen God move the way he did that weekend. Maybe it was because I gave him room to or he just wanted to prove me wrong. Whatever the case was, it was a great time and I will miss times like that moving forward with my life.

6) Las Vegas in August

So I love this place, yeah it is Sin City but it is a good place to vacation for 3-4 days or so. The tops on this trip was meeting Chris Daughtry and going to his show later that night. Getting a picture also was worth it too. I never came home with the big bucks but I for sure will make Vegas an every two year trip for sure!

5) Concerts and concerts

I love music. I saw so many concerts of bands I love. It started with a night of worship when Hillsong United was in town. I can honestly say they are one of my favorites and that night is something I still go back to time to time. What a show. I saw REO Speedwagon and Loverboy. Grew up listening to these bands so this show rocked! Bethel Music was next and again another great night of worship. Chris Daughtry ended the concerts for this year but I am looking forward to this next year and what it has to offer! Journey and Steve Miller is already on the list :)

4)Colorado Springs and a Bronco game in September

This weekend trip was my graduation present. I had such a blast staying with some friends in Colorado Springs for 3 days before heading to Denver for my first NFL game! For those of you that know me I love the Broncos! That weekend just reminded me how lucky I am to be alive and also how beautiful this country is. I would love to call Colorado home someday. Here is to hoping that dream becomes a reality in the next 10 years :)

3) Singapore mission trip over Spring Break

Honestly if it wasn't for the next two memories being lifetime accomplishments this would be number 1. Words can not express the impact this trip had on me and where I am today. I encourage you if have never heard about my trip to Singapore to read my previous posts starting with this one and moving up :)

http://whenmyguitargentlyweeps.blogspot.com/2013/03/roads-untraveled.html

It was an amazing trip and the stories tell themselves. I will be visiting soon someday.

2) Graduating college

What can I say. Since I was a kid I wanted to graduate from college an OSU Beaver. It may have taken me 5 years and I am have wanted to quit along the way but I did it. If it wasn't for the ongoing encouragement from my family and friends, I would not have been able to do it. That day walking across that stage and getting my diploma just made all the difference in the world. Now I know my hard work paid off.

1) My first job as a civil engineer

Now here I am, 6 months on the job as a project engineer for Sisul Engineering! I still have my job moving into the new year and I also get full benefits and a little raise. It is a start but I couldn't be more thankful for this position. I love what I do so that makes it worth it! Portland has been treating me well and I can only imagine 2014 will be more busy for me at work. It still hasn't hit me that I am a full time engineer. I still feel like a kid. Hard work pays off I guess. For now I am loving it and this is the memory that will last a lifetime for me. Never thought this day would have come.

In conclusion, I can expect 2014 to be an even greater year. I have no clue what to expect but I said that last year and look what God did. I can't wait to kick off the new year right and see a year from now what has happened :) Happy New Year and God bless you all!!

My thoughts on the Blazers thus far

This post comes from the fact that the Blazers did lose yesterday. 27 games into the season their is no doubt that is team has something special. I am no expert but I did want to state my option on the team thus far in the best manner that I can.

For one, the resilience this team has is unbelievable! Yesterdays game I had as a loss long before they played, but they could have easily been 1-3 on that trip and they know it. The fight this team has is a lot like that team was last year. I remember a lot of their 33 wins last year and they had some pretty good games when they fought back and won. Granted last year they had no bench but compared to this years team the starters haven't changed. With exception to Lopez being a true center that doesn't demand touches and the bench being upgraded with players that mesh well and fit Stotts system, this team will not give up.

One thing I loved about last night is the quotes from the players. They admitted the Twolves kicked their rear end and didn't make excuses about it. They noticed flaws and even said they have a lot of work to do as a team. Most of that is on the defensive end but with all the points they put up each game, you are unlikely to see the Blazers crack the Top 5 when it comes to team defense, but they can continue to get better and do what they do best.

I trust Stotts 100% with the direction of this team, he is an analytical genius in my mind. The NBA game has changed and he knows it. No Blazer team in my lifetime have I remembered meshes together as well as the Blazers team does this year. I still think Mo could improve in the 6th man role, but he sure is a hell of an upgrade from last year. Freeland has changed his game completely and if only Leonard could learn from him and the confidence he has with his gameplay on the court, he could be 2nd string. Until he learns that, Freeland will continue to get minutes. Wright can flat out shoot the ball when he needs to and his D isn't to bad. And T-Rob is a diamond in the rough that will continue to get better over time. If the starters stay healthy, I like this team making a run in the playoffs.

But their is so much room for improvement and a lot of it. I love the fact that LA and Wes demanded a team meeting after last nights loss. They take complete blame for it. Teams in the past would never do this. Not this Blazer team. Individually each guy can improve. Damian and his FG percentage inside the three, Wes and creating his own shot. Batum not forcing things. LA is playing great. RoLo manning up more. Mo not being stupid and turning the ball over. The list goes on.

Along with the teams we have beaten, we have yet to face a quality team on the road. Sure we have already beat our road record from last year but until we beat a team like OKC, Houston and SA at there home, I won't be satisfied. Can I also say I can't wait to see what CJ can bring to the team.

Looking forward to the new year. I am thankful we have only 5 games left in December. We need it. On average we have played two more games than most of the NBA. That is crazy. Beating LAC and Miami at home will be huge. December 31st is the game I will have circled though. @ OKC with Durant. 4-1 the next 5 I am okay with. But beating OKC at home will only tell me more about this team. The D was none existent this last road trip and will get better. We will continue to lead the NBA in points and 3 point FG made. When 3 of your players are in the top 10 for FG made behind 3 that trend is likely to continue to happen throughout the season. But quality road wins in what I am looking for because come playoff time we will need them. So much more to talk about. Moral of the story is I love this team and love that they want to get better 22-5 isn't good enough and I LOVE that. Thankful to be a part time season holder as well. Miami is next. Keep it up Blazers, you are making this city, this state, and also this nation really proud! Rip City for life. Until next time.... 

Countless blessings

It is a little past 9, lying here in my bed. Coming to the realization that I haven't posted much in a while. With a lot going on in my head why not give you all an update while lying here.

This weekend again reminded me how lucky and blessed I am to have the family and friends that I have. The holidays seem to have that effect on me. This is defiantly my favorite time of the year.

Wednesday night after I got off work I headed halfway south for Thanksgiving. I stopped in Corvallis to stay with some family friends and then caught a ride down with them Thursday morning for the big feast at my parents property in Eagle Point.

Come Thursday I couldn't have asked for a better day. Though it may have been only 18 hours, it may have been one of the best Thanksgivings I have ever had. From my grandparents coming down from Portland just like me, to seeing my dad's dad, my uncle, my cousins, and just hanging out with family friends, it overall was a great day. It was great to see my dad's dad given his current health. He will be heading down south to LA for the next 6 months like he has done for the past so that could have been my last time seeing him. It was really good. And of course getting to spend some time with my mom and dad meant the world. I miss the property a lot and Portland sometimes just can't fill that void. I am thankful Christmas will be a little bit longer but not by much.

This year compared to other holidays will be more different than I have ever experienced. For most of the month of December I will be by myself, something I am not used to during this time of year. I'd be lying if I think it will be easy because it won't. At the same time, I plan on rejoicing through the ups and downs and reminding myself how truly blessed I am in the first place.

The rest of the weekend was spent in Corvallis celebrating the wedding of my friends Kelley and Kacie. Me and my brother were on the road at 6:30 Friday morning. Even though Austin and I weren't directly in the wedding party, we were blessed to be included in all the activities leading up to their big day. It truly was a good wedding as well. From breakfast at Sharis while the girls were already getting ready at the church to mini golf to the ceremony and reception it will was so fun! It has been so cool to see Kelley and Kacie grow as a couple and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for them with their marriage.

Overall the weekend was a success. Tomorrow the work week starts up again. I am again truly blessed to not be in school anymore because this week would be Dead Week. Another thing to yet again be thankful for :) Though this month may have its ups and downs leading up to Christmas with my family, I hope to make the most of it. I am so thankful family and friends are just a phone call or a text away so regardless I am going to make the most of it. Until the next post, hopefully not 3 months from now. This is all I got, God bles

Love is on the move

Today my brother left for Kenya to help women and children who have been raped and sex traffic to come along side them to build greenhouses to help them run a sustainable business. Words cannot express how happy I am for my brother to be given the chance to be apart of something of this magnitude. As Austin's older brother, I feel this post will give a lot of people who are a part of Austin's life a different perspective, a perspective that I know will benefit and encourage you in.

Back in July when this opportunity came about from the Rohrer's, the approached me about it, but with my new job in Portland and new life, God wouldn't allow such a quick trip to happen. To go along with that I just served in Singapore with Sports Ambassadors in the spring so the timing wouldn't have worked out. When I heard they would be building greenhouses, I knew that this would be a great opportunity for my brother because it is right up his alley in terms of his degree and passion. But would God allow it? Of course time would come to show that He would allow it.

Austin first brought up this idea of him going on this mission trip a couple months ago. As the supportive older brother, I was all for it! But I also told him he would have to really weigh his options and make sure above all else to honor our parents. Being that the trip would be 2 months after deciding to go and making the commitment, it would take shear faith if everything worked out. And I knew my parents wouldn't like the rash decision.

Of course this didn't sit well with my parents, knowing that they will be reading this post they would agree with me on this one. Regardless Austin still felt passionate about going and believed God was telling him to go. In my mind if God tells you to do anything you do it. As a parent I can only imagine how hard it would be worrying about the safety of your child. Like my parents I am nervous and scared of my brother. But along with those emotions comes the excitement that overwhelms my heart for what is going to happen in his life!

Growing up with Austin as a brother and for those of you who know us really well, we are complete opposites. There is no denying that! Besides that fact, we are still brothers and I love him to death, and care for him very much. These past 3 years I have seen great strides in my brothers life. The man that he was in high school is not the man he is today. Austin has always said he looks up to me. This is an honor and I believe that he means it.

The past 3 years when I was in Corvallis, I was always there for my brother when he had questions, and there was a lot of them. Something I was very fortunate to learn at a young age how to basically take care of myself. I take a lot of pride in that and at times it has come to bite me in the butt because I am so stubborn. Austin really never caught on as quick as I did. That is okay though. He probably thought I thought he was stupid at times, which I did. But regardless of what the issue was, Austin isn't me and never will be. Austin will be Austin.

I could use the rest of this blog to delve into more of me and Austin's personal life as siblings, but I will choose not to. This I do know as his older brother. This trip will change Austin's life forever, and will make him a different person. Austin is so easily influenced by anyone his is around long enough. Being Austin's older brother I have had that impact. But at the same time, that can be dangerous and Austin knows that. This trip I believe will change Austin in such a way that he will no longer need to call me up for help. He will no longer have to worry about what people will think of him. Austin will finally be able to take that next step in his faith and walk with the Lord, and it will be all him!

Not being in Corvallis anymore, I believe Austin is realizing that. He doesn't have his older brother to lean on anymore. I don't want this to even one bit sound like I am puffing myself up. That is exactly opposite of what I am doing! Austin felt led to go on this trip because God told him to and he know he needs it for this next step in his life. I am excited for him to come back and to hear all the stories of what God did. I am of course nervous for his safety but know God's hand is covering him and the team of individuals there! When Austin gets back, it will not be the Austin you all remember. I truly believe that! The outside will be the same, but it will be the inside that will have the biggest change. I love Austin to death and will be praying for him daily these coming days until he is back safely in the US. God bless and thanks for reading.

Letting down your guard

It has been a while. I can't even begin to explain how crazy busy I have been these last couple weeks. It is only going to get busier from here on out. I thought his growing up thing would be easy. The complete opposite has happened recently and as always their is a reason behind it. For those of you who know me really well, I am not patient at all. So this has been a struggle to say the least.

This post is about letting down your guard. Not only for me but for anyone. I have come across to many people who just put on that face that everything is okay and we believe it and go on with our day. Sadly, in the end, these people are hurting and they will never say anything if you don't try to pull it out of them. It is sad but true because I am stubbornly the same way.

After a fun fulfilled weekend yet again in Corvallis, I had to leave once again to come home to West Linn. I have once never lied about how I have been in Portland. I am really enjoying my job, so I have absolutely no complaints there! The problem lies in trying to get one plugged into a church up here and two meeting some new people and putting myself out there.

If you know me, I am generally an outgoing guy. But take me out of my comfort zone, that is a different story. I understand that summer time is summer time and I can't control anything that goes on. I can't help it that I love a lot of people and just want to be their for them during some really important times in their life. I do this because I know they would do it for me. The sacrifice has taken a toll on me and the moral of the story is I am physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausted.

I title this post letting down your guard because one it is hard to do. There are always those same people that ask for prayer I sometimes go like "really", have you given that up to God? But when it comes to me I feel like I am fine and okay. Leaving Corvallis yet again was the hardest thing for me today. That in the past has been my comfort zone. Each week I have been their leaving has been harder and harder. I long to have Portland become my comfort zone and to meet some new people so I can yet again become part of that fellowship that is super important for our walk with the Lord. We can't do it alone.

I am upset that I have let it come this far and I apologize to the people who I just lied to your face and have been praying for me. Now I can't do it anymore, I am letting down my guard and letting you know where I am at. My prayer is that you would pray that I would get plugged in to a church up here, that I would step out of my comfort zone, that I would let down my guard and be open to new things. I will never forgot the friendships I had in Corvallis. But now it is a new chapter in my life and I can't do it without one Jesus and one prayer.

Matthew 11:28-30 has been my reminder and my prayer. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light"

That is my prayer and thank you all who have always been there for me! I am so blessed and can't wait to see what the future holds. Until then I will lean on Jesus for understand and trust His every move in this next chapter of my life. God bless and thanks for reading

Underestimation and appreciation

Well I just successfully got back from Corvallis this morning after surprising my brother for his 21st birthday yesterday. It was really good to see him, to bad I couldn't stay longer and had to get back up here. It is crazy how little the traffic is in the morning. One hour and twenty minutes to get back to West Linn was faster than I was thinking.

It was also really good to see some people I haven't seen since I moved. After surprising my brother at Real Life, the college ministry I was apart of in school, a big group of us went to BWW to celebrate with him. Sadly for me I don't get BWW anymore after a bad experience a couple months ago but it was good to catch up with everyone even if it was only for a couple hours. It was a good idea to leave this morning instead of last night to come back to West Linn. I feel like I have the strength to already get through the day. I know that won't be the case come two o'clock when I hit a wall. Coffee will be my best friend then.

Driving back this morning and talking with my buddy Bryce last night at BWW really got me thinking. I love times like this when it is just you and God. The sunrise was beautiful as well this morning. The last month I have been reading a new book by John Eldredge called Beautiful Outlaw. The book is structured around rediscovering and experiencing the playful, disruptive, and extravagant personality of Jesus. Reading through this book as well as just observing the world around me, I have come to realize how we as believers underestimate the Gospels and discovering who Jesus was and is.

In today's world, people are just to easily convinced and persuaded which is a dangerous thing to think. Just going through this book has reminded me of who Jesus was and is! Today society tells us that God is not a personal God and he is to distant and worthy to approach in all of His glory. The fact of the matter is that God was man as well. Jesus was as much human as you and me are today. Though he was God, he had feelings and emotions too. If he didn't who would just willing submit themselves to go to the cross to save all of mankind? Thinking about this has made me realize how much I have underestimated and appreciated the power of the Gospels.

Those words in red are so powerful! When was the last time you really sat down and studied the Gospels and Jesus and his words? I think we all take them for granted. We will read other books in the Bible which are great too that also talk about who Jesus was but Jesus also talked too. These thoughts that have popped up into my head are definitely gonna get me back into the Gospels.

I would totally recommend John Eldredges book if you are looking for a good read! It is so simple and yet we are so easily distracted. It is crazy! I love how God works during times like these. I can't thank Him enough for all He as already done. Hope this blesses you all this morning. Until next time...